salad days

with the help of my martian i made it to california in three days. right when i was supposed to leave michigan i thought i had a heart attack. went to the hospital, it was anxiety. i left the next day. drove through a fucked up blizzard from new boston, michigan to oklahoma city, oklahoma. snoozed at holiday inn. drove from oklahoma city to flagstaff, arizona. put my middle fingers up to the world's biggest cross on the side of the freeway somewhere in texas or new mexico. snoozed at another holiday inn and got the military discount from brandon (we have reason to believe he is a werewolf). drove from flagstaff to the grand canyon and that place was so beautiful i thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. we threw snowballs off the cliffs and took joe dirt pictures and made our way to carpinteria, california. when amanda had to fly home the other day i felt like one of my limbs was being ripped off my body but i feel okay now. every time i look at the dream catcher i got from the grand canyon i think of amanda martin and i do not understand how i got so lucky. i miss my mom so much i think i might die sometimes. but i never die i just keep living and looking at travis and wondering why or how he even loves me. lucky lucky lucky. now if only i could find a way to get my mom, martian, johnny, and sarah here...