Tuesday, April 28, 2009
This will not be as funny to you as it was to us.
Johnny and I signed the lease to our new apartment last night. Tymm got to see it, too, finally. Though he will only be there for maybe 2 weeks the entire time we live there, haha.
Anyway we had to meet the landlord in his "office" which was, from the outside, this abandoned shithole building. He lets us in and our eyes POP. The place is like a fucking enchanted castle inside. It's all restored, redecorated, and insanely gorgeous inside. The ceilings seemed neverending and in the living room was this intense stained glass ceiling. So this goofball with a toupe on his dome sits us at this fancy dining room table and we're all just sitting there (johnny and i plus the dudes who live in our apartment currently) while the landlord gets his paperwork together upstairs.
So he comes down, after about ten minutes of us sitting without him, marvelling at the fucking mansion we're sitting in. I instantly notice his toupe is going to slide off his sweating head because of the intense humidity in the room and I am already filled with laughter. The entire time I feel Johnny kicking me and I seriously almost lose my mind. The landlord keeps going on and on about he is an attorney, owns 7 businesses BESIDES his rental property, invented some golf machine, is this really important rich dude, blah blah blah. I am texting Johnny underneath the table the whole time about this guy's fucking hair and FINALLY the landlord's cell phone rings and in the middle of interviewing us, he answers it on HIS BLUETOOTH (a 65 yr old man with a bluetooth) and says, "HI CANDI" in the goofiest voice I have ever heard. I turn to Johnny and we fucking burst. Our faces are dark shades of red and we can't stop laughing. I keep saying, "I'm seriously dying, it's so hot," Johnny has both hands on his face, Jordan across from us is pulling his hair, and the landlord is seriously clueless that we're all dying because of this fucking wig on his brain. Typically I would think this is adorable, but the dude is some rich goon who kept making TERRIBLE jokes about us coming home drunk. It doesn't register to people that SOME PEOPLE DON'T DRINK. He made this joke probably five times before he realized nobody was laughing.
Anyway I wrote that strictly for memory purposes, because I NEVER want to forget how hilarious that situation was. Writing it out does it nearly no justice as compared to being there in that 100 degree room with Johnny and two strangers and our sweaty landlord with a wig. I have never felt so stupid. I could not stop laughing. I actually had to think about the past month of my life to stop laughing, that's how much it took.
So, that was our first experience with the landlord, and I'm sure there will be many more. Johnny thinks the lesson there was "don't judge a book by it's cover." But I think the lesson is "judge a landlord by his toupe."